he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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