I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found the puke drawer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
