I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
