I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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