I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can't motorboat a personality
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
