whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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