he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's get the cat blown out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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