I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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