Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
