I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
