There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
