You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
