I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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