Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
