Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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