You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
