I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
soo... how was my night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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