..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
