You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
