Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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