I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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