I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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