Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
