Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pants are for mortals
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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