Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
