I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
