i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So squirting runs in the family.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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