the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
