I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
