I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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