Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
