the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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