Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
