Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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