she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
