Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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