the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
