Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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