this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
