So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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