How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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