perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
