He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
