Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
