actually, I'm a sock model
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
