You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
