Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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