Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
