Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
