someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Randomize
