"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
