i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
